It's 3:00am and I have way too much on my mind

Well, last week I began my sophomore year of college (although technically I'm 7 hours away from being a junior, thanks to 15 hours of AP credit and 6 hours of summer school this summer).

I'm pretty sure I'm already behind in my classes.  No, I'm DEFINITELY sure.  Never again will I take 16 hours of super-demanding courses without a single blow-off credit in sight.  And technically I had no "homework" to do for tomorrow's classes, so it isn't that big of a deal that I am sitting in my apartment at 3am reflecting upon my life.  But I still have mounds of other tasks looming over my head.  I have so much to do, and so little time.  I just cannot seem to bring myself to do them, and I think it is because I have too much swirling around in my head right now (which would probably make some sense of the random flow of topics that this post will inevitably follow).


I missed the second orchestra rehearsal of the year due to a monstrous 3-day migraine, then missed the third rehearsal because I had a 102-degree fever from a cold and couldn't hold my violin up to my neck due to swollen glands.  And I'm principal first violin.  My biggest fear is that physical ailments like these will inevitably threaten my fulfilment of the Baylor attendance policy.  But I guess I can only cross the bridges in front of me.

I plan to apply for the Crane Scholars Program.  It seems to me an answer to prayer.  A community of Christian intellectuals.  I had a dream the other night in which someone told me my future husband would be part of it too.  I know better than to believe everything my dreams tell me, though.


I am unbelievably homesick right now, but I don't think I am homesick for Oklahoma City.  I went back home to OKC over Labor Day weekend and was still homesick there, and I don't think I was homesick for Baylor.  Is it possible that I am homesick for a home I have not yet found?  Perhaps I am homesick for my future family.  I believe that is at least partially true. 

I have no idea how I will be voting in this presidential election.  My man Ron Paul was buried by the media, and I just don't feel I can vote for anyone else with such a clear conscience.  Yet I do not seem to have time to research anything.  Maybe I'll devote some of my facebook time or my sleep time to looking up Bob Barr, the Libertarian candidate...


I crave deep, meaningful friendships right now, especially with some guys.  But something always seems to get in the way.  I know I tend to form friendships as extensions of other friendships (sample format: Friend A introduces me into Person B, whom I get to know as I spend time with Friend A, until Person B becomes Friend B).  Unfortunately, living in Memorial last year only exposed me to the friendship of other girls.  And these girls only seem to know other girls.  Evan is my only legitimate guy friend right now, but even then I think I freak him out sometimes... exactly because he IS my only guy friend. 

I love that my mom ordered PediPaws after viewing the infomercial.

Maybe I'll finally get into basketball now that Oklahoma City has an official NBA team, the OKC Thunder.  Andrew and I at least plan to go see the home game on my birthday this December.

I really praise God for the wonderful friend he has given me in my cousin Andrew.  (I think I had my roommate Jess calculate it for me, and he is my first cousin twice removed?  Or second cousin twice removed?  All I remember is that he is some kind of cousin twice removed.  But anyway... back to my point).  I am not sure how I would function without him.  Even if we only talk electronically because I am 300 miles to his south. 

And why is it that all my good guy friends seem to be long-distance friendships?  I have grown to really admire my mom's former coworker Vinoj (to whom she betrothed me).  And even though he worked with her for over a year, we never actually spoke to each other until this summer.  And now that he has moved to Los Angeles, he is becoming a good friend. 


I want a husband.  And I want to start having children soon, even if during my undergraduate years.  I could handle the stress, and if I were to do this, my children would be in preschool  or Mother's Day Out while I am pursuing my Ph.D.  It's such a smart plan.  It just lacks my husband.


I still suffer from the exact same vices.  But at the same time, I think I am healing from the wounds I always used to invite.  Even if I do occasionally pull off the scab. 

I really miss my little sisters.  I miss my whole family, but I especially miss Lorelei and Gretchen.  I really am glad Gretchen is going to be driving through here in a few weeks. 

I am beyond ecstatic about the Hanson concert September 19 at the Oklahoma State Fair.  I have never been to a Hanson Concert in my nearly 12 years of being a humongous fan.

I got Andrew hooked to Derek Webb.  Andrew texted me last night and told me that DW would be playing at Oklahoma Christian November 7, but he didn't know what time the concert was.  I looked on DW's website, and to my surprise, November 8 Derek Webb will be at COMMON GROUNDS in WACO, TX!!!  And on top of that, WATERDEEP is also headlining.  Waterdeep has become my new favorite band (I know, I have several "all-time favorites", but please bear with my zeal).  I especially like Lori Chaffer's solo stuff.  I know that looking forward to this concert will definitely help bring me to the end of the semester still holding onto my sanity. 

Oh, and Evan and I will be taking a trip at the end of October down to the Woodlands to see Derek Webb, Sara Groves, and others in concert.  I am excited to actually be able to see Derek Webb twice in one semester. 


Can you see why I have designated this current era of my life as "confusion"?

2 comments (Add your own)

1. Mehmet wrote:
Gina Fredenburgh - Hmm. A Wednesday Addams moment. I can talere to that. Someday I will tell you about my own Girl Scout experience. Technically, I guess, it would be a Brownie experience, since I apparently disqualified myself from the echelon of the Girl Scout.

Fri, April 20, 2012 @ 9:27 PM

2. Herly wrote:
dear girl, when I say tell me about it , I REALLY mean it. I know what you're talking about cause it has haeppn to me as well. I consider myself as a TOTAL JYJ ADDICT. The difference between what's haeppning to you and what's haeppning to me lays here: My addiction is reaching its maturity level while yours is blossoming and at its maximun peak. I've learnt that we, as JYJ loving fans, have to reach a maturity level to find the balance between our daily lifes and our lifes as JYJ fans. It's not easy to find that balance, but we have to do so because if we can't reach that balance, we can end up abandoning all our duties and responsibilities on behalf of our JYJ addiction and our daily lifes would end up in a total mess. bfWhat helped me to reach my maturity as a fan? Well, I think there are several things beginning with the fact that I'm a professional, a wife and a mom with duties and resposibilities. Then, some things that haeppned here at the blog also had their influence and helped me to find the right balance. My advice to you: The things that helped me may not be the same ones for you; maybe just some of them cause we are different persons with different feelings, thoughts, ages and lifes, but I'm sure that a short vacation time, restraining yourself from commenting and acting only as a lurker on JYJ3 could help you and make wonders. I know this may sound as craziness because it's impossible for us to think about living without JYJ and without commenting on JYJ3, but in the future you'll find your right time to do so, and after a while, you'll be able to come back relieved and renewed, having a peaceful heart, mind and life and with an improved and fresh vision on JYJ, and of course, absolutely in love with JYJ but loving them with a mature and trustful love. I really hope this would help you my girl But don't worry. When we achieve our maturity as fans, we still tend to act crazily from time to time It's pretty normal being a JYJ fan cause our beloved JaeChunSu are truly unique

Mon, June 10, 2013 @ 3:22 AM

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